(Warning! Content might not be suitable for the weak-hearted)
)According to the Lunar Calender, today is exactly one yr after my grandmother's death. Many things seems so different in this past one yr that I sometimes felt lost and sometimes juz brushed it off. A very significant change is that we stopped visiting block 52, Chin Swee Road le. Tt was where my grandma lived when she was alive. As I go to work evry satursay, I would think... If ah ma was still alive, would i visit her every sat? Bring her food that she like? Probably go for a walk with her, help her carry groceries? Woulf\d I do things like that? I guess probably not. This, I definitely feel guilty for. People always tend to take things for granted, dun they? When something/someone is right beside you, u would not crave for it. Yet what we crave for could be something far beyond our reach or something that we dun come into contact with often.
A year ago on this exact same day. i ended class early and went to see ah ma at the hospital right after school. She was having a non-subsiding fever and mum keeps putting ice packs on her to cool her down. To add on to that, she was having body spasms and keeps murmuring to herse;f. This is pretty spooky. Ever heard that when a person is dying, he/she will murmur and no matter how close u put ur ear to her mouth or hoe hard u try to fighure out wad she's saying, u can never understand it? I experienced that myself. On this day, ah ma was murmuring in her sleep and both my mum and i did not understand. When we woke her up to ask her wad she said, she said that she did not say anything. If that is not spooky enough, hear the next story. Early in the morning, the occupant of the bed opposite ah ma's passed away. However, she was not moved from where she were. probably coz something was rushing down to see her one last time? i dunno... Grand-aunt came to visit ah ma and told mum to pull the curtains when the occupant opposite is leaving the room so that it will not affect ah ma. This 'affect' could mean emotionally and spiritually. Then juz as that occupant was leaving, the nurses pulled up all the curtains in the room and proceeded to move the occupant to the forensic department. At this moment, ah ma asked mum and i what's happening and if that patient had died. We did not think much abt this because ah ma is a highly intelligent womam. But in order not to let her worry too much, we told a white lie and made her go back to rest. Then, as fate arranged it, ah ma left us on that very night with none of us by her side... It was, until now, the most regretted thing that ever happened to us. All of us were devastated and until then did I realize that had ah ma not been sick, i would not have visited her every single day just like what I did when we first know of her illness. Isn't human wierd? N maybe inhuman? Or is it juz me? I really dun noe. All I know id that the guilt would be with me forever whenever I think of Ah ma...
How easy it is to lose contact...
Sunday, August 05, 2007
